By Kristin Cobble
Have you ever thought about hiring a coach but had no idea how to go about it? Or, did you hire one and 2-3 months later had the sinking feeling you’d made a big mistake?
If so, you’re not alone. Hiring a great coach can be tricky. There are many kinds of coaches, each with different styles, approaches, and personalities. Choosing a good match after one 30-60 minute call can feel as daunting as having to decide whether to move in with someone after having a cup of coffee with them.
But it’s possible…and it’s worth it. Here’s my best guidance for making what might be one of the most important decisions of your career, wisely and quickly.
1. Connect with your motivation for coaching
Do you feel the stirring of some potential in you that hasn’t been fulfilled, whether it’s because you’re struggling with old patterns or you just want to take your leadership, your team, function, or organization to the next level? If so, a coach is one of the best supports you could get. They will help you see your blind spots and recognize opportunities you might have missed. They’ll help you connect to your dreams—or dream even bigger—and expand your ability to fulfill those dreams. They’ll inspire you, hold you when you fall and cheer you on your developmental path.
As much as you may feel pulled to get a coach, it’s also normal to feel some resistance. You may be afraid of admitting you need support or wonder what other people might think of you. You can only find a coach and have a successful coaching relationship if your motivation to grow is stronger than your fears. So, before you look for a coach, be honest with yourself and decide what really matters to you. There is no wrong answer. If learning and growth is a core value then getting a coach is a sign of strength and integrity. Instead of a badge of shame, you can wear coaching as a badge of honor.
By tapping into your deepest motivation you’re not only more likely to find a great coach, you’re also more likely to do the work it takes to get the most out of coaching. Your motivation will fuel the journey.
If you’re looking for a coach because someone else thought it was a good idea, but you can’t actually imagine how you or your team could be one bit better, then save yourself (and the coach) the trouble and do your thing.
2. Get clear about what you want from coaching
Once you’ve connected with your motivation, it’s time to get clear about what you want. The more clear you are, the easier it will be to find a coach who can help you. Begin by reflecting on your big goals – what you want to both create in your life and what you want to stop doing during a 6-month coaching relationship. As you reflect on the questions, write down your thoughts without censoring yourself. Then review what you’ve written and highlight the ones that make you feel most alive and excited.
- Look out a year from now. How do you want your world to be different? Your organization? Your function? Yourself as a leader? Your personal life?
- What do you want to accomplish or create?
- What challenges do you wish would go away?
- What kind of impact do you want to have on others? Your organization? The world?
Now, consider what it might take to reach these big goals. Once again, let yourself write freely.
- What obstacles do you see?
- What capacities do you want to develop?
- Is there a specific business, leadership or organizational expertise that you would like to tap into?
Go through your list, look at the items you highlighted and choose the three that feel the most true. Your reflections on both of these sets of questions will give you a head start in your exploratory conversations with prospective coaches.
3. Identify the kind of coaching you want
Now that you have a sense of what you need, you can make an informed decision about what kind of coach you’re looking for. This will save you a LOT of time sorting out who to interview. Consider the options:
Expert
Do you want someone who understands your particular challenges and will provide opinions about what to do? This could be the best option if time is of the essence or you’re facing issues with well-known solutions.
Thought partner
Do you want someone to bring new perspectives and help you think through a problem so you can come up with your own solution? This is a great option if you need a sounding board or debate partner to evoke your best thinking to design a solution you can own.
Capacity developer
Do you want someone who can help you see what capacities would serve you best and help you learn and develop them? This is your personal trainer. They will give you the “weights” and “reps” you need to build new muscles.
“Way of being” coach
Do you want someone to help you to see the fundamental beliefs and assumptions that shape and limit your life, and to reveal alternatives that lead to more expansive, effective, and easeful ways of being? This is the deepest kind of coaching. There are countless types of “way of being” coaches, drawing from everything from somatics to narrative psychology to personality typing, like the enneagram.
You don’t have to choose just one. In fact, most coaches have more than one blade in their Swiss Army knife. But it’s important to know which type of coaching you are most drawn to, so you can be sure to focus on it in your interview.
4. Prepare your questions for the interview
You’ve gotten clear about your motivation and goals for coaching, now it’s time to talk to some coaches!
Exploratory conversations can be stressful. One client called it a mix of a job interview and first date! It will be a lot more enjoyable and valuable if you know what to do during the conversation. Let’s break it down into the two dimensions of the experience: Job Interview and First date.
Job Interview
What to ask your potential coach
Here’s the good news: A coach’s job is to have generative conversations that move their clients toward their goals. So, your first conversation will give you a direct experience of their approach and how it would feel to partner with them.
Start the conversation by sharing your top three goals and challenges from the list you made in step #2 above.
The most important question you can ask is “How would you help me meet goals?”
As they respond, notice…
- Do they ask you follow up questions to make sure they fully understand your goals and needs?
- Do these questions help you understand your goals and needs better than you did before the call?
- Do the approaches they describe leave you with a sense of possibility, or do they fall flat?
- Do the approaches sound too theoretical, rather than applicable? If so, ask them “What could you do right now, in this moment, to give me a taste of how you’d work with me?”
- Now, with a clearer sense of how they would work with you, you can ask about relevant prior experience:
- Have they worked with other clients on challenges or goals similar to yours?
- If so, how did the client change as a result of working together?
- What were some critical steps that enabled them to make changes?
- What makes them confident they could provide you with the support you need?
You’re looking for them to articulate and/or demonstrate the value of their coaching in a way that helps you imagine a path forward for yourself and gives you confidence you can reach your goals, especially with the coach by your side
First Date
What to ask yourself
No matter how impressive a coach might be, what matters most is your experience when being with them. During the conversation, ask yourself:
How do I feel being with them?
Are you drawn to them? Do you feel a sense of trust and comfort around them? Can you imagine being honest with them when you fall flat on your face? These are often the richest opportunities for you to learn and grow—but only if you can share them with your coach.
Do I trust them?
Does it sound like they’re blowing smoke or do their answers feel real and grounded in experience? Do you like their answers? Do you believe them?
Am I intrigued?
Do you like the way they think? Can you sense how they might help you think differently? Better yet, are they already causing you to think differently?
Do I feel hope and possibility with them?
Are you excited about how you might grow and change working with them? Do you feel more like yourself talking to them or do you feel the need to impress them?
Now imagine what it would feel like working with them. Are you excited by the possibilities it might generate in your life? Or do you already dread the first call?
TRUST YOUR GUT! Don’t second guess yourself if the coach gave compelling answers but something didn’t feel right, or if they have a great reputation but the conversation felt flat. Your gut is your best guide.
5. Commit to the process
Developing new habits is not easy. Undoing old habits that have provided success, safety and security is even harder. The success of your coaching depends less on the sessions themselves than on what happens between the sessions. Even the greatest coach won’t guarantee results unless you commit to doing the real work it takes to change between your sessions.
That doesn’t mean you won’t forget to do the coaching assignments sometimes, or resist coaching homework, or fall on your face when you try the homework. That’s a totally normal part of the process, fodder for your learning. Just stay in the game, share the truth with your coach and connect again and again with the motivation that got you to make that first coaching call. That’s how you can be a great client, and it takes a great client to create a great coach!
If you follow these steps, choose a coach and commit to the process, you’ll find yourself in one of the most enriching and transformative relationships of your life. Over time, you’ll realize potential you’ve never had the opportunity to nourish. A great coach is a midwife to your future self, the person and the leader you are meant to be. And the more fully you become yourself, the better of your life, your company, and everyone around you will be.