By Kristin Cobble
Note to reader: I updated this article in light of our increasing polarization as a society and my strong conviction that “sitting in circle” is one of the key capacities that can help us find our way back to each other and toward a shared vision of what’s possible.
Several years ago I designed and facilitated a series of meetings known as the Delta Dialogues, where stakeholders with opposing views on water and California’s Delta met once a month, for a full day, for over two years. In many cases, the stakeholders’ positions were polar opposites. Some of the participants had sued and fought each other for years. Yet, month after month, despite their busy schedules, they kept returning.
The Value of Challenging Conversations
As a consultant, I have often said that I love challenging conversations because they give us the chance to change and evolve. When we’re willing to listen not just with our heads but also with our hearts, we can discover more curiosity and compassion for ourselves and one another.
During these meetings, participants sat in a large circle, facing each other. It required effort, but they listened and considered each person’s point of view. Over time, they became much more comfortable with each other and often the meetings were full of laughter.
Over the years I have noticed that when a group of people sit together in circle, with the intention of both sharing and being influenced by one another’s deepest questions and concerns, they leave changed.
They leave with a little more vision, a little more holistic thinking, a little more compassion for those who see the world differently, and a little more courage to speak up.
Breakthrough Moments in the Circle
In one session, a water exporter, whose company had contributed to a $200 million effort to develop a plan for water conveyance suggested that perhaps we need to erase the plan and start over!
Another powerful moment occurred when a stakeholder looked around the group and declared that nothing would ever change because of century-old water rights. The response to his comment was surprising, and demonstrated the progress of the circle’s participants. A farmer said, “Well, I’m a senior water rights holder… but I can see that nobody wins; nobody’s going to come out of this thing ok, if we all sit back and say, ‘My position is sacrosanct and yours is impossible!’”
World-changing words like these shifted the direction of the dialogue and opened up entire new possibilities for the group.
In Our Work
In Groupaya’s work with leadership teams we have also found that sitting in a circle, without a table in the middle, following dialogic principles, helps the team have powerful conversations. They can raise the “undiscussables” that need to be spoken aloud and listen to each other with less defensiveness. This helps them make hard, complex decisions with more confidence and alignment.
The business results
We’ve seen leadership teams, in one case, radically pivot their business model. In another case, they decided to go after a new industry that they had previously avoided because they didn’t have enough confidence in their ability to work together. In the third case, they chose to stop a critical initiative in spite of substantial sunk costs. In all three cases these conversations required courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to listen deeply–even when emotions and stakes were high. Each time, their decisions were sound and resulted in more revenue for the first two, while stopping the bleeding in the third.
The Benefits of Sitting in Circle
I believe that this sort of work — sitting in circle, deepening relationships with one another, having difficult conversations, and supporting each other in thinking in more nuanced ways — gives individuals, multi-stakeholder groups, and leadership teams the chance to change and evolve. As we step back from the busyness of our lives, we have the chance to reconnect to all parts of ourselves, remember who we are and what we really care about. We can leave renewed and inspired to live from our best selves.
And yet it can be hard to really understand the value of sitting in circle without experiencing it firsthand. Below are some principles to help you get started.
Tips for Sitting in Circle
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You can try these principles with friends, family, colleagues, and whatever organizations and gatherings you are a part of.
In my experience with leadership teams and the Delta Dialogues, I’ve seen firsthand how sitting in a circle bridges chasms and opens up new ways forward. When groups practice this approach, they have the ability to change their worlds — and the world around them.
That’s the power of sitting in circle.
Kristin Cobble, founder of Groupaya, has been coaching and consulting with leaders and their leadership teams for over twenty years. If you are interested in learning more about helping your leadership team to step into high stakes, difficult conversations where multiple perspectives are held, we’d love to hear from you!
Copyright © 2024 Kristin Cobble and Groupaya, Inc.